Studio visit #2

This morning I had a studio visit with the AIR (artist in residence).  All weekend my stomach was in knots and I was panicing about what I was going to show or say.  I was hoping to be able to communicate that I’m in the studio a lot, what I’ve been pondering about lately, the connection between nature and humanity, and what the fuck I’m doing here.  I spend several hours waxing on what books and essays I was going to quote, the order of pieces I was going to show, etc but (as always) this mountain of prep work did me little good.

Heather came in early and caught me off guard while I was painting a wall.  Just replace me with a deer in headlights here.  In hindsight though, this was great.  I had to think on my toes a bit and stole the control that I so desperately wanted.  The conversation was great.  We jumped around between nature vs. humanity, free will vs. hard wiring, the cell and home, and peoples’ need to modify themselves.  All wonderful subjects that I find electrifying but am having issues with connecting to my studio practice.  Sadly, my love and obsession for research and investigation does not naturally hook up with my studio work.  But now, now I have a game play.  Sort of.  Well, first off I’m going to finish a cut cellophane wall piece so it can be seen by the visiting artist this week and be ready for my crit on the 17th.  Then I’m going to find an old card catalog.  I’m going to start cataloging my thoughts in the way that my mind’s eye does.  (I also REALLY like index cards.)

I don’t know why I was so stressed about the visit.  Heather isn’t scary at all.  She is honest which can be scary but I need honest.

(She also told me that I was doing a good job and was right on track which is something I really needed to hear.)

Crit #1

So I’ve just had my first grad school crit.  I wasn’t torn down like my nightmares, nor was I told that I was the best flipping artist out there and to shed my glorious light of knowledge upon the world.  It was actually painless but boring.  I was told a lot of … stuff… that went in one ear into my notebook and quickly forgotten.  I’m sitting here in front of my piece actually trying to figure out what the fuck just happened and where to go now.

So the piece that I installed for the crit was a (in less glamorous terms) a faux wall that was stuffed with LEDs that I drilled holes into and filled with glass test tubes.  The test tubes were partially filled with 1mm glass beads and arranged like star burst or mould growth.

Don’t ask me what it is/was about because I really don’t know.  I mean there was a time that it was about my OCD and repetition of form/materials/studio practice but now I don’t know.  The piece fell flat on its face while trying to chase the ice cream truck.

Some of the good things about it though was that it forced me to do something VERY different from what I normally do.  Some of the bad things is that it was still born, fell flat, and didn’t take a stand on anything.  I knew all these things the moment the piece was finished but I didn’t have much choice with the crit since I finished it Saturday night and it needed to be done by Sunday afternoon for review.

It was a good try at least… maybe.  I know that I can do better.  I just have to figure out what I need to say to the viewer which is really hard since I don’t like tolding to strangers.

Grad school

So I’ve been at Cranbrook for a little over a month now and the hype of “HOLY COW I MADE IT IN!” is wearing thin.  I think I had really high repectations.  That I would walk in and be told how to make my art better.  I know that I am not paying for that, but fuck a girl can dream.  I’m still totally geeked to be here, I’m just feeling really lost.

Howdy

Howdy!

WordPress just has the word “howdy” written in bold letters on my homepage and I thought that it was so very very friendly.  It kind of gave me the warm and fuzzies and yet it was a unexciting word, in an unexciting font, and bold (which normally I find aggressive).  I liked it, I think the first person I see is going to get a big old Howdy greeting. 

Throw things away like a man

I’m officially moved into the new place!  After 3 weeks all the boxes are unpacked, curtains made and hung, furniture bought and placed, and internet  set up.  As much as I hate moving and having to adjust to a new and strange location, Birmingham Michigan, it was fun.  It was a lot like camping for the first week and I realized how much stuff I have and I really don’t need and how bloody efficient Tim is with his stuff.  I need to start throwing things away like a man.  Books I haven’t read in years, toss them.  Childhood report cards, toss them.  Silly candy wrappers that I wanted to save for the design of them, toss them!  It would make packing and unpacking so much easier and so much faster!  That and I would have so much space, not that the apartment is cramped or anything but 80% of the stuff here is mine.  I really do need to start throwing things away like a man.