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I’m feeling great today and more like myself. Even though I have to get up at 7:30 and it is 12:08 (with some homework still waiting for me) I’m energetic. I have a long pose starting tomorrow for painting, I’m falling in love with silver point, and generally I’m just in a fantastic mood. Even though I had a deep morning, I’m completely happy. I found the shirt that Will had given me as I was getting dressed, I don’t know what to do with it. I liked it because he gave it too me but I’m not a fencer (it is a saber shirt). I put it in the box for now, but I’m just so glad that I didn’t even have to try to put myself out of deep though it just fell into place and was a good day. And hey, I’m thinking about asking CJ to teach me disc golf, whoot for trying new things!
I feel off today. I have some homework that I should be doing but I just don’t feel like it right now. It is going to get done, but I have a feeling that it is going to be a late night. I knew that I had not been really my self today but I figured it was due to lack of sleep from the night before. But then I opened up my photo program and the first window that opens is the photo library and the last few images I’ve imported was of times with Will. I started to feel hollow, I know that I have to deal with finding things like that but I just wasn’t in the right mind set. I have a box that every time I find something I just throw it in so I don’t have to deal with it at the moment but I didn’t know what to do with computer files. I ended up burning the files to a c.d. and I deleted them from the computer but I still don’t feel right. I guess I’m still getting used to it all. Cleaning house is having a whole new meaning right now. I’m just glad that I’m talking to people online and at school and that they are making me smile and letting me enjoy the day even though I’m still dealing with stuff.
I don’t know about the title, it just seemed like fun. But today was my first day of classes and I already have 2 papers to write and I need to finish 2 silver point drawings by wednesday. Yep, it is panic time….
I’m in a good mood today, just thought that everyone should know that. I got the best email ever, I’m not going to go into it but it made my day. I’m still putting my apt unpacking off but I’m smiling and feeling a bit giddy. Hmmm, I think though that Mihee is going to kill me if I don’t clean up the living room… pissing off asians is fun.
School starts tomorrow and I don’t think that I’m ready for it. I feel as if I’m still licking my wounds from the break up, that I will not be able to handle the stress and I’m scared to think that I might not be strong enough. I’m scared that I’m not going to live up to my expectations. I’m done crying for now, I’m just trying to focus on my work, but then again I don’t want to be a workaholic. I’m basically just trying to keep myself from shutting down and closing up just because I was hurt.
But I’m glad that I’m making myself go out. I made a few appearances tonight at parties and everyone there already knew of the recent happenings. People were giving me hugs and such but I didn’t want it. I don’t like being treated special because of a reason like that. What I want is for one person to treat me special because they truly think that I am, because they love me.
At Iza’s party we ended up watching Batman Begins. Honestly I was hesitant to watch it because Will and I enjoyed it together. I was scared that I was randomly start crying, but I didn’t. Actually I fell asleep half way through and then woke up at the end. But I’m really glad that I did watch it because I had forgotten one of the quotes in it that is comforting.
“And why do we fall? So we can learn to pick ourselves up.”
I’m just going to keep repeating that in my head, along with everything else so I don’t forget it.
Tomorrow I’m going out for lunch with a few friends. Everyone wanted Japanese so blindly I said “let’s go to Ko-Sho!” And right after everyone agreed it hit me, that is where Will and I had our first date. I’m still going, I’m just scared of closing up so I don’t feel anything.
