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So I called my apt to have my a/c fixed, it hasn’t worked since they put a new unit in. But I came home to my a/c still not working, my fan in my room on the floor broken, and my pantie drawer was open. CREEPY! I like my maintenance men, they are nice people I can’t believe that any of them would do this so I really hope that there is a better explanation than what I’m thinking.
I don’t remember the last time I’ve had this much fun for a whole weekend. After work on Friday I went out with Aaron and a group of his friends for sushi. The food was just okay but the company was great. I’m really enjoying Aaron’s friends and I like that they are also becoming my friends. After sushi the two of us just hung out at MSJ and debated that Jesus was in fact a zombie. (Note to Aaron: You know I’m right just admit it.)
Saturday I had to go to the hospital to have some testing done to figure out what the hell is going on with my back. I wasn’t planning on having Aaron drive me, but it seemed that he really wanted to help so we adventured out to my ultrasound together. (Luckly it wasn’t what the doctor thought but that isn’t great either because it doesn’t tell me why I’m having all this pain.) But I was bummed out that the doctors are still scratching their heads and trying to figure out what is going on so Aaron wanted to do something fun to cheer me up. The weather was B-E-A-T-U-I-F-U-L so picnic was the answer! I love picnics, I think that people are so used to being busy that the concept of picnicking has been lost and I’m trying to start a “picnicking movement.” I mean think about it, you need a good date idea and I mean GOOD not just dinner and a movie; like you really really really want to make a person say wow good, like cookie dough at 3 in the morning good. What is better than homemade food and lovely weather? That is right, nothing… especially with my sandwiches. After our picnic we meant up with Aaron’s family and ventured out for more food. (Homg, there was so much food that day I’m still full.) But wait there is more that happened that day! We went out to the Blue Note with some MSJ people. The band was good, not the best singers but great entertainers (kind of like Britney Spears if she were a man in a dress). But some where in between 11 and 2ish I was fed a lot of free beer and became pleasantly drunk. And in this drunken state Aaron and I won the Couple’s Saturday hero award from the band…. which entitled anti-social moi and attention whore Aaron on the stage getting a record with a Jesus picture on it and a stuffed red dog. It was very strange, I’ve spend a good part of my 21 years of living trying to go unnoticed and there I am on the Blue Note stage.
But the entire point of this post is that Aaron and I were talking and just remembering what exactly we did over this weekend and he said something really sweet. He came out with “I think that this summer is going to be a lot of fun if this past weekend was the preview.”
This short is amazing, everyone needs to see it! The user that posted it has a ton of great shorts on their profile, check it out!
Aaron came over tonight and we talked about why I was scared. It was really nice to be able to open up like that to him even though in the back of my mind something was telling me not get attached and to shut off. I think that I’m going to stop listening to that instinct, I don’t need it anymore.
I hate that my inabilities and fears always get in the way. I am so damn stuck in my thoughts that I forget that other things are going on and where I might be embarrassed that very act might make someone over joyed.
What happened was that I had a slip of the tongue and made a fool of myself… even though Aaron tells me I’m not a fool or dumb I still feel like I am. We were joking around and he asked me if I would help him fold some clothes, and you can only imagine my excitement that this was to be our night-time activity. Regardless of my hatred for laundry I was going to help him because he asked but I slipped and said “well I really don’t want to but I’ll do it because I love you.” Fuck… yeah I said it, didn’t want it to come out but it did. But just because I didn’t want to say it doesn’t mean that I didn’t mean it though. I just felt really dumb letting myself get attached so quickly… some-days I hate being human. And I know that this isn’t the only thing on my mind. These past few days I haven’t been myself. I would like to blame it on a roommate who doesn’t clean, midterms, all nighters, and being female but those are all just excuses and I know it. I’m scared. I’m scared that I’m going to look dumb to Aaron. I’m scared that I’m going to turn into ever other girl with a boyfriend. And I’m scared that if I allow myself to get attached again that I’m just going to fuck it up and get hurt in the end.
