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Getting married is huge, exciting, and nerve racking. Of late I’ve been worried about my up coming wedding and trying to come up with reasons that it might not work. I have to constantly remind myself that I’m a bit masochistic and that my anxiety is normal. From talking to Tim last night on this very subject we might have come to a mutual meeting of the minds, which I think is pretty damn cool and a wonderful sign.
Getting married is one the largest identity changing events in a person’s life that I know 100% I’m going to experience. I’ve worked very hard to somewhat know who I am, what I stand for, and why I’m here and marriage is going to throw this all for a loop. The idea that I’m not longer going to be Kris the sarcastic artist and that I’m transforming into Ms. Timothy Ebeling the wife that is also an artist is scary. I’m going to have more responsibilities and more stereotypes pushed upon me (like my mother asking when she will have some grand-babies… don’t get me started). Besides all that the program that I’m entering for my MFA does not seem to be marriage friendly. I want Tim to understand that I’m working for our future, but that right now I’m going to be no fun, working late, and sometimes not coming home from the studio. I know that he will support me in whatever I do, he really is great, I just don’t want him to lose faith in me if I’m spending more time with my work than with my husband. Oh the joys of wedding anxieties…
I have issues with making promises. They seem so heavy and big and scary. Like a weight over your head that if you don’t complete the promise the weight will fall and crush you. I have promised ex boyfriends that we’ll stay friends but that has never happened. I promised myself that I’m going to start exercising more since I bought a Wii fit… which lasted about 3 months. I promised myself that I would kept up the blog for sanity… you can see how that is going. Why is it about promises are so very hard to maintain and keep? It makes me worried that I’ve promised Tim that I’m going to marry him and that we’ll stay together for the rest of our lives. Please don’t misunderstand, I love him I’m just afraid that I have more issues with promises than I know of.
