Studio visit #2

This morning I had a studio visit with the AIR (artist in residence).  All weekend my stomach was in knots and I was panicing about what I was going to show or say.  I was hoping to be able to communicate that I’m in the studio a lot, what I’ve been pondering about lately, the connection between nature and humanity, and what the fuck I’m doing here.  I spend several hours waxing on what books and essays I was going to quote, the order of pieces I was going to show, etc but (as always) this mountain of prep work did me little good.

Heather came in early and caught me off guard while I was painting a wall.  Just replace me with a deer in headlights here.  In hindsight though, this was great.  I had to think on my toes a bit and stole the control that I so desperately wanted.  The conversation was great.  We jumped around between nature vs. humanity, free will vs. hard wiring, the cell and home, and peoples’ need to modify themselves.  All wonderful subjects that I find electrifying but am having issues with connecting to my studio practice.  Sadly, my love and obsession for research and investigation does not naturally hook up with my studio work.  But now, now I have a game play.  Sort of.  Well, first off I’m going to finish a cut cellophane wall piece so it can be seen by the visiting artist this week and be ready for my crit on the 17th.  Then I’m going to find an old card catalog.  I’m going to start cataloging my thoughts in the way that my mind’s eye does.  (I also REALLY like index cards.)

I don’t know why I was so stressed about the visit.  Heather isn’t scary at all.  She is honest which can be scary but I need honest.

(She also told me that I was doing a good job and was right on track which is something I really needed to hear.)